On Monday, I was driving home from work and it was pitch dark and freezing. I was so unhappy, so I just decided that on my drive home I would have a conversation with God. A real, talking out loud conversation. Well, I really felt His presence with me and found it so uplifting that I decided to do that every day in the car, rather than mentally going through the list of things I need to do this week (though I'll probably still do that, to be honest). So at the end of that first conversation, I asked Him to show me His purpose for my life, or what he wants me to do next to better serve Him.
On Tuesday, after posting something on FB about my plans for Giving Tuesday, during my talk with God, this passage came to mind - "So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men." Matthew 6:2. I did not have that memorized, but I knew the idea and had to look it up later. Anyway, my FB post was meant intentionally to inspire, but I had to ask myself, was a small part of me asking for praise?
Today, He challenged me even further, asking me to behave and think the same way whether someone is watching me or not. This initially came about because I was feeling unmotivated in kickboxing class and was aware that I would work harder if the trainer came closer to me. But I know He meant not just in giving and not just in exercise, but in EVERYTHING. And lastly (I think it is last, though more could come tomorrow), He has told me that I need to focus more internally. I think in the past, because I was not able to handle the anxiety and depression going on in my head, I tried to avoid being too internal and have developed a way of coping with things through my connections with others. He told me that I can rely on my relationship with Him more to work through issues, and I don't need to be so reliant on other people to help me through. Though he also reminded me I am gifted in my connections with others and part of my life's work is to care for and inspire others, so I should not turn too far away from them.
I have a lot of work ahead, but I am so grateful he answered me so quickly and clearly.
Then tonight I talked to Mark about a meeting he had at work. He got a review from his boss with a lot of positive but some negative. HIs boss said a lot of the negatives were departmental issues and not specific to him. Also he was validated by an external consultant on a big disagreement he had been having with some on his team. He told me that he had just prayed about both these issues and that his prayers were answered within 48 hours! I very rarely (if ever) have heard Mark say he prayed about something other than the well-being of our family, so to hear him say both that he prayed about these specific work issues and that his prayers were answered so quickly, is such a miracle!
I feel like our spiritual growth is on fast forward and it is very fun and inspiring!
